Robin’s response to Daryl’s apathy

Below is a fictional scenario based on real-life events.

Daryl’s jaw dropped. Their eyes grew wider. What felt like 10 minutes of silence was 10 seconds.

Finally, Daryl could open their mouth to respond.

“You’re leaving ACME? Why, Robin?”

For Robin, Daryl was a new type of manager and struggled to work with them.

Robin’s had great managers who were advocates, excellent coaches, and gave tough but fair feedback.

Robin’s also had micro-managers who berated them at every attempt possible, causing them to lose days of sleep, spend thousands of dollars on counseling, ultimately vanishing an immeasurable amount of confidence.

Daryl was neither; they gave no feedback or career guidance. If one word defined Daryl’s leadership style, it’s apathy.

Daryl was a great contributor to ACME and was rewarded with a promotion as a result. But that promotion came with new responsibilities that Daryl just didn’t care to adopt. And because Daryl is so important at ACME, they don’t have to focus on leading others.

Back to Robin: “I tried to tell you, Daryl. I need your support. Where am I going at this company? I’ve asked and asked and asked, and the responses have been incomplete.”

“But Robin, who is going to do this work? Is there anything I can do to keep you?”

“I’m happy to help onboard a new employee, but I’ll be starting at my new job in two weeks.”

What could have Daryl done differently, and is there anything Robin could have learned from this experience?

First, it’s critical to proactively talk to your team about their role.

When I ran teams, I made time to talk to my teams often about their current role, what they were interested in doing, and how that mapped to the goals of the organization.

Based on their feedback we did what we could to make sure their career trajectory was a fit for the company. As a result, that meant shuffling around responsibilities, creating brand-new roles, or finding opportunities for them to work in other workstreams.

More than anything, the team appreciated that their careers were being thought about first.

Some people, like Daryl, simply are not cut out to be a manager.

Recommendation for Daryl (and Daryl's manager!): host 30–60-minute conversations with their team members every 3-6 months specifically focused on their role and how it ladders up to their career ambitions.

Be proactive about the future work environment.

We know the evolving landscape of the work environment in this new era will continue to be a challenge. This can cause stress and anxiety for your team. Recently, I led a workshop for a company that wants to ensure its employees can work in person safely as part of a hybrid solution.

We had a positive and transparent discussion with all employees centered around the specific benefits of working at home and in the office for both the employee, the client, and the organization.

Recommendation for Daryl: the moment they start to manage someone, they should have an action-oriented discussion on expectations, working style, and other “unwritten rules” often overlooked or discussed too late in the relationship.

Leave with grace; it’s essential for your well-being.

A lot of us take our employees’ leaving very personally. We can question ourselves, which can have an impact on our confidence. I want us always to take a step back, evaluate the situation, and examine our role.

Often, we forget the positive impact we had on our team to set them up for success to secure that new role. The other thing we always need to keep in mind is that the employee you used to manage could become a future partner, client, or boss! Your employees will remember how you respond to them leaving.

It’s important for employees who are leaving to understand this as well. It might seem like a great idea to burn bridges, but keep in mind the world is small.

Recommendation for Robin: When moving on from a difficult or apathetic manager, be cautious about how you end this chapter of the relationship. Remember, they can be future advocates, clients, referrals, etc. Take the high road and thank them for their partnership.

And now for your MollyMoh update! We celebrated Molly's 5th birthday this weekend in style. This is one of my favorite photos from a past winter. Happy Birthday, Molly! We are so blessed you're in our lives!